While we can learn much from penguins, today’s first lesson comes solely from personal experience. You see, I planned to write an entire article devoted to a specific penguin story I came across earlier today that I found particularly fascinating. However, since I have no recollection of said penguin’s name or even the gist of what the anecdote was about. That blog will be postponed to a date TBD. Nevertheless, while aimlessly searching the web for this delightful mystery tale, that I swear exists. I stumbled upon some remarkable penguin fun facts I decided would be worth sharing instead. So in a roundabout way, that brings me back to lesson #1, don’t do drugs kids.
So besides being chill AF, these ride-or-die fury feathered fuckers have each other’s backs no questions asked. Whether it’s protecting petrified penguins from becoming Petrel prey. Or spending summers beachside, just to let those who were there for you at rock bottom, know their kindness is only what keeps you coming back year after year. Man, I hope for the sake of the inter-species soulmates in the bottom clip, they exchanged emails or at the very least set up a time and place for a reunion. Leaving those deets to some chance 5,000-mile round trip random encounter is a leap of faith unheard of in the cellphone age and one I wouldn’t risk missing out on. Not with those kind of Insta-like numbers on the line.
Even when it comes to dating and mating, penguins have plenty of swag. They not only show up on the first date dressed to the nines in a tux. They are the personification of male self-confidence when they pull out their best moves on the dance floor and as the ladies know all too well, that shit translates to the bed fellas. Not to mention instead of blowing three months salary on a worthless diamond, these ballin’ brainiacs give their gals a smooth stone that doubles as a down payment on a post-nuptial nest egg. On top of all that they go above and beyond by volunteering to be stay-at-home dads. Quite the flex!
Yet even with a resume that would make any woman drop their current zero to get with an Artic hero like the penguin for an altered universal upgrade to their current underperforming spouse. Sometimes fairytale endings are just that, a fairytale. Because despite the propaganda of penguin lover’s lore, the strutting seabird doesn’t always mate for life. Seriously, what did you expect, this is a living breathing being we are talking about here. Not some mythical creature the editors of Cosmopolitan Magazine created in a soaking fever dream. I mean, faithful and a good listener, come on ladies pick a lane already. We can’t have it all! This isn’t “The Bachelor” for fuck’s sake.
However, what these pimped-out players lack in perfection, they sure as shit make up in fire flames fashion. With a homegrown pair of sunglasses and a waterproof full-length fur to boot. These stylish wonders of nature are not only built for comfort, their adorbs quotient is off the charts too.
THE-ANTI-SOCIAL-MEDIA 