Just as the Apple News Updates have been manipulably designed to do. When we hear that temptress-like alert sound off, calling ever so longingly to us, we instantly check our phones. All because addicts like us have been programmed to do so. Although, most of the time we immediately regret our participation in this ritualistic back and forth. Sometimes, they can catch your eye with a headline that is so compelling that you are forced to pay 12.99$ a month for the rest of your natural life. Just kidding, I don’t even pay that price for my Planet Fitness membership(humble brag). So instead, I find out the answer the old-fashioned way, (Ask a friend to use their subscription) research. What I found out was there is something called CHS or Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome and it’s fucking up the good-vibes-only of pot smokers everywhere.
A little-known fact about me, I am not a doctor. Nope, I’m just a joke-pushing internet wiseguy. So taking medical advice from me, would be the equivalent of trusting Elon Musk with your political opinions. Now, you wouldn’t be dumb enough to do that…would you? Instead, I have a medical physician to help explain, he not only plays one on YouTube, but he also has a real-life practice where he treats legit patients. So, let’s let him do the doobie-doer’s diagnosis details for me. I do hope, for his sake, you can concentrate more on his words, than his disappearing ears. Sadly, I had no such luck.
As with anything trending on social media, the baseless conspiracy theories quickly mount a brazen attack on the truth. So let’s get those out of the way, before we go any further. Just in case you need some knowledge-based ammo heading into the holiday season. On the off chance your misinformed relative begins firing off every piece of useless nonsense he’s overheard, in the bowels of the dark web. You can spare your entire family the humiliation of being duped once again, by their self-described “Domineering incel” / second cousin, almost always named Gregory.
Now with such an under-studied medical diagnosis as CHS, you may find yourself in a bit of a “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t” type scenario when walking into your local E.R. There are numerous accounts of this syndrome being under-identified by medical professionals who aren’t up to date with their scientific research. But, on the other hand, you have the try-hard Docs who are the first ones in line for the latest iPhone. They are way too eager to have the first documented case of CHS in the unit, so they ultimately misdiagnose similar symptoms. The point is, that you know your body and habits best, so give your doctor as much truthful information so they can properly treat you, for whatever the underlying issue is. Don’t ever let your health concerns be silenced without explicit explanations proving the contrary. Doctors can easily be flawed humans too, choose accordingly.
Since I don’t want to buzz kill all those bud-blazers suffering from paranoia when partaking in the puff game. There’s some good news for you, especially if you felt your tummy rumbling, from all this CHS talk. In certain instances, the drug Haloperidol (AKA Haldol) has relieved the symptoms rather quickly. They are doing scientific studies as we speak to confirm the little data currently available. So don’t try this at home, kids.
However just as Ozempic was originally created to treat type 2 diabetes in patients. Not like the cure-all weight loss remedy, your awkwardly semi-skinny shaped frenemy is currently taking it for. You know, the one looking to lose those 15 extra pounds, just in time for spring break season to arrive. Although it is the fortunate aftereffect of Ozempic and the key motive Karens everywhere are hoarding it all for themselves. Haldol too was initially intended for sufferers of Schizophrenia and Tourette’s Syndrome, not CHS. So do everyone a favor before you check yourself into the local ER, asking for a CHS fix. Just make sure you haven’t merely overdone it on the Cool-Ranch Doritos and Thousand Island Dressing combo. The one you went to town not more than 15 minutes prior to feeling like there’s a dumpster fire in your gunt. Nevertheless, if it is an actual emergency you are suffering from, then utilize all the necessary treatments available. Just prepare yourself, sometimes the side effects of certain drugs can be far worse than the initial symptoms ever were. That’s why “Gas with oily discharge” is an actual sentence often spoken during daytime television commercials.
THE-ANTI-SOCIAL-MEDIA 