Growing up in the 1980s and ’90s, the movies during that era would have you believe that man-eating sharks, late-night baths with Gremlins, and Quicksand were the leading causes of death on planet Earth. Although the first two weren’t as prevalent before their big screen debuts. Quicksand has been the bain of existence for television and movie characters, tracing back to the days of silent films. Although the mucky menace has been slowly phased out of the movie biz like an aging actress, Quicksand still sometimes makes a rare cameo. But it is nothing like the old days when it played the bad guy in more motion pictures than William Dafoe, Anthony Hopkins, Ralph Fiennes, and Alan Rickman, all combined.
So, just for those of you younger types who have been sheltered from the movie-based perils of Quicksand. The kind we olds continue to suffer debilitating PTSD from. Here are some Pros with the do’s and don’ts of your average hazardous mud mausoleum and tips for escaping it if necessary.
However, just like racism, dumb white guys on social media thought it was already time for quicksand to make its unwelcome comeback onto your Instagram feed. With asinine stunts ranging from disinformation to instructional, while hitting every branch of young, dumb, and full of cum on their way down the reckless tree.
You see, while Quicksand isn’t as big of a threat as Hollywood Blockbusters would have you once believe. The deaths from it are so few and far between that they don’t even keep tabs on the statistics. But, then again, overdose deaths from Tide-Pod consumption never existed until it became Darwinism’s preeminent online demonstration to date. The thing is, people do die from accidental Quicksand-related circumstances all the time. The numbers fall somewhere between Great-White attacks and Gremlin massacres, yet the stats do exist. Yes, most deaths from Quicksand are ultimately ruled as drownings, hypothermia, dehydration, or perhaps boredom. That doesn’t mean every “shit for brains” with access to sand, water, and an iPhone should be giving homemade tutorials on their Quicksand escape plans. If showbiz already understands, Quicksand no longer puts asses in seats. Let’s hope and pray the YouTube generation will soon follow along on a similar path. Otherwise, they just might need to start keeping track of Quicksand’s kill count. Thoughts and Prayers, indeed.
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