The only thing you see more on the news these days than drone sightings are elaborate adult runaways. The most well-known of the recent bunch of down-on-their-luck rich white people to consensually go off grid. Was the anti-establishment Ivy-League grad, Luigi Mangione. A complex 26-year-old who disappeared from family and friends long before his audition for “America’s Next Top Assassin” was thwarted by the brave workforce at the NYPD Mickey D’s. After the alleged CEO-killer Mangione was recognized at a Pennsylvania McDonald’s location. The infamous smiling photo that led to his ultimate capture was taken when Mangione was flirting with an apparently not-so-hostel clerk. But it appears Luigi isn’t the only short-sighted pot stirrer in this article who gave it all up for a piece of strange that ended up truly fucking them in the end.
When I heard someone named Kobayashi went missing south of the border. I thought, “It was only a matter of time before the former Nathan’s hotdog-eating champion snapped.” Seriously, how often can one person be bested by Joey Chestnut in competitive eating without eventually taking his talents to Mexico? At least there, if you aren’t appreciated, all the disrespect you receive is in Spanish. Thankfully, the actual missing Hannah Kobayashi was found safe and sound after her failed Argentinian male order spouse didn’t pan out as she once hoped. This runaway story also had its own tragic twist, though. If that alone doesn’t make you rethink dropping off the face of the planet without first filling in your loved ones. Due to the serious nature of the self-inflicted consequences. It’s also probably the single reason those of us in stable and loving environments stop running away from our families once we are cognitively aware of the repercussions of our actions. However, that’s not what stopped me as a runaway child. Nope, my irrational escape from a nurturing family abruptly stopped because my capability to cross the street at that age by wasn’t in my repertoire of big-boy skills. In case you were wondering, lapping the block 5 times with a Cabbage-Patch-Kid doll in tow is a decent reminder of the good times you’re missing out on at home. I don’t know which stat makes me sadder, that last year 500,000 people were reported missing or nearly the same number of people voluntarily chose not to run away from Wyoming, the stale scone of home states.
Yet, despite walking away from it all, not being a crime. Purposely “Gone-Girling” yourself and exploiting necessary law enforcement resources to deal with an over-dramatized mid-life crisis is. Another recurring theme among these overgrown temper tantrums is if and when these people return home, they are walking into far more trouble than they initially fled. If Ryan Borgwardt thought dealing with a wife and kids in Wisconsin was the worst. He found out the hard way that having a childless smoking hot mistress in Uzbekistan is not all it’s cracked up to be either. Uzbekistan is such a miserable existence that the guy who faked his own death was willing to go home, look his wife, kids, and law enforcement in the face after giving them all the double bird on his way out the door. Armed only With the False assumption that the apologetic “My bad” would absolve him of all his unforgivable sins. An act that is considered a form of torture by some human-rights nonprofits. The only slightly interesting thing about Uzbekistan is that it’s one of two double land-locked countries worldwide. Which is the middle east equivalent of being simultaneously Dutch-Ovened, by the five neighboring Stans in the region. or In simpler American terms, it’s the Wyoming of Eur-Asia!
FOR THE ENTIRE CNN ARTICLE QUOTED CLICK THE LINK https://www.cnn.com/2024/12/15/us/missing-persons-cases-runaways/index.html
THE-ANTI-SOCIAL-MEDIA 