With threats of mass deportations looming over the nation, one woman has been trying her damndest to flee good ole U-S-OF-A, with less than stellar results. Svetlana Dali was once again apprehended sneaking out of the country. This time, she was pinched, making a reverse Taco Bell-style “Run for the Border.” Utilizing a well-known Canadian coyote smuggling service, Greyhound Bus, to shuttle her ass across the Northern border. This Thelma-less Louise had hoped to escape to the “Land of the free maple syrup and the home of the Drake” to avoid dealing with the fallout from her recently failed plot to travel abroad. On a positive note, Canada is a country where the VERSATILE term “Sorry” (Pronounced SORE-REE) is not only a legitimate legal defense but also considered a term of affection while sexting, so that’s a plus.
Dali thwarted the US government’s advanced tracking device strapped around her ankle by simply removing it. However, her church companion/roommate proved too shrewd to effortlessly dupe. Perhaps disobeying the court’s authority and leaving the evidence on the carpet for all to see wasn’t the best plan. Especially not in the same exact place, a pissed-off dog willingly leaves a newly chewed-up slipper when looking to send a message to their often absent owner. That lack of attention to detail doesn’t induce criminal mastermind vibes, now does it. Nonetheless, not since Salvatore followed up his famous painting “The Great Masturbator” with “The Persistence of Memory” has a Dali family member taken such risky back-to-back swings at their given artistry. Not even two weeks after her last capture, Svetlana made worldwide headlines again. Last time, she was caught playing the stowaway version of musical chairs between her unassigned Delta commode accommodations. In an attempt to trick the plane’s crew into believing, “There’s nothing to see here.”
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Sadly, it appears Svetlana didn’t have the same positive outlets for her mental struggles as her famous surrealist name-sake found in his artwork, and she still chose to play through without a full deck in hand. So, although the Judge’s valid concerns that she was a flight risk were dismissed, let’s hope his assessment of her psychological condition is taken seriously this time around. Her accusations of being the victim of military-grade chemical weapons and a kidnapping plot may be par for the course in her homeland, Russia. But throwing allegations like that around in the States will get you 5150’d real quick. The more I delve into the conspiratory makeup of Svetlana Dali, her story reminds me of a different woman the press labeled “The Serial Stowaway” a few years back.
In fact, the more I look into their similar sagas, they also have an interchangeable appearance that looks remarkably close to one another. Last I heard, Hartman was serving a 42-month prison sentence that began in early 2022. So, factoring in time off for good behavior, you’d be looking at getting out approximately two weeks ago. Now, does that necessarily mean Svetlana Dali is Marilyn Hartman? Of course NOT, I’m not in the conspiracy theory game like our habitual horizon-seeking hitchhikers here. That would be an insane explanation that has no foundation in reality. That’s why I firmly believe these two ladies are legit Doppelgangers, just like any good God-fearing man of faith would. JK, believing in ghosts isn’t in my bag of tricks either. However, this sure is one hell of a cowinkydink.
Svetlana Dali (LEFT) / Marilyn Hartman (RIGHT)
THE-ANTI-SOCIAL-MEDIA 