With all the chaos surrounding the wildfires in Los Angeles, I thought it was important to highlight some area residents doing everything they can to lessen the devastation. Now since Firefighters, are already universally considered the Mother Theresa of first responders and receive deserved praise during times of crisis. I figured focusing on some unsung heroes who don’t put on a celebrated uniform for a living would be time well spent for us all. I mean, firefighters are so publicly revered that their relentless bravery and sacrifice even overshadowed terrorism in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks. So it’s no surprise that our first brave Los Angelenos was a former fireman with the forestry department himself. That’s why when most people are handed a garden hose and a chainsaw and are tasked with saving their entire neighborhood. Believe Waterboarding and chopping off an appendage of the first sketchy person walking by. Those are the instincts considered a job well done. However, not this guy, who knew exactly how to react in such terrifying circumstances.
Yes, LA’s reputation for being America’s epicenter of beautiful blondes and misguided social justice advocates is well deserved. So when many residents hear the term “fire retardant,” they mistakenly think it’s a problematic description of a mentally challenged arsonist, not how every home in the region should be built and developed going forward. Thankfully, some architects and contractors have the ingenuity and foresight to construct houses with the latest technology with stunning results. In a world where climate change is here to stay, the insurance industry should protect itself and customers’ investments by requiring rebuilds to adhere to these strict and proven standards.
The local looters are even capitalizing on the goodwill shown to Firefighters, adding stolen valor to their growing scumbag resume. Fingers crossed that they shoot themselves to the top of the guest list for the sole eternal resting place with more fire flames than Pasadena and Sydney Sweeney’s Instagram comments combined. But in the likelihood that hell only exists here on earth at least, Whitney Cummings is roaming the streets with a wooded sword, looking to inflict some vigilante justice to revenge her own wildfire losses. Let’s hope Whitney knows how to handle her makeshift cedar saber. Because Just being as hot as Harley Quinn doesn’t help anyone if you have the sword-fighting skills of George Michael. (The one from “Arrested Development,” not “Wham”)
THE-ANTI-SOCIAL-MEDIA 