Does Musk Acquiring TikTok Turn A National Security Risk Into A Disinformation Monopoly?

If you thought TikTok’s influence over our nation’s youth was perilous when China was pulling the strings from Beijing. Just imagine the potential pitfalls if SpaceX Luther gets his hands on America’s productivity Kryptonite. I mean, what could possibly go wrong by handing over the keys of the Oval Office, US Space Program, International Spy Satellites, and all of the Gen Z/ Millenial propaganda production to a South African immigrant conspiring to install American Apartheid under the admiring eyes of his Presidential underling. Just because you’ve acquired the most wealth in history doesn’t mean your morals weren’t bankrupted long ago. In most cases, the two go hand in hand, like reading an Elon Musk Tweet and debilitating douche-chills.

Click the link below for the CNBC article quoted in this column: https://www.cnbc.com/2025/01/13/china-considers-selling-tiktok-us-operations-to-musk-bloomberg-.html

Don’t get me wrong, I am no fan of the Chinese government having that much control over the American Population either. I mean, I trust that oppressive, tyrannical regime less than they trust their own damn citizens to speak honestly about their human rights condition. Although I’m positive both Elon Musk and the Chinese have far superior math skills than I do, at least I can recognize when two wrongs don’t equal a right. Whether it’s the Chinese intelligence tracking the vital data and communications of over 50% of Americans or Musk’s obsession with the monopolization of disinformation, it’s a lose-lose scenario. 

Click the link below for The Independent article quoted in this column: https://www.independent.co.uk/us?CMP=ILC-refresh

We all remember the last time an infectious Chinese invention spread across the US this fast. The entire country ended up in mandatory lockdowns. I’m not saying TikTok is necessarily a pandemic-level health crisis. However, the detrimental mental side effects of the platform are spreading like a virus, with the same lasting complications of long-term COVID. But fear not, multiple American businessmen are going “Cuckoo for Cocopuffs” over the possible ownership of this company. The way rich white men are fawning all over this algorithm, you’d think it came fully equipped with an hourglass body, pear-shaped ass, and perfect tits. Then again, that combination of brains and beauty in one package usually intimidates self-absorbed men in authority.

In today’s Palate Cleanser, we learn that wearing a metal butt plug into an MRI machine is a bit like loading your toto toilet’s plumbing with AR-15 rounds before spraying your undercarriage full of lead suppositories. Giving a whole new meaning to the term explosive diarrhea.