Tag: The Guardian

Congratulations, Chuck Schumer; At Least, The Baileys Are Happy!!!

The government shutdown is unofficially over. Republicans can finally celebrate losing healthcare for millions of Americans, unlike Democrats, who couldn’t make it an entire week without accidentally shooting the country in the dick again. Although Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer will sleep soundly knowing that the Shutdown is nearing its end. Now that his imaginary […]

Read More Congratulations, Chuck Schumer; At Least, The Baileys Are Happy!!!

Turns Out Negotiating Peace Is A Lot Easier On Truth Social Than In The Middle East!!!

What do Middle East peace and fraud in the 2020 Presidential Election have in common? They’re the only figments of Donald Trump’s imagination that don’t require an XXX-rating or a non-disclosure agreement. Leave it to Trump to think he could somehow solve more than 100 years of infighting the same way he “Made America Great […]

Read More Turns Out Negotiating Peace Is A Lot Easier On Truth Social Than In The Middle East!!!

Trump’s Gunt, About The Gruesome Angle Of The Time Cover Photo: “I Warned You!”

Donald Trump, fresh off claiming victory in the war against waste, fraud, abuse, and the American Soybean Farmer, was photographed for the cover of Time Magazine, in what’s being called the most unflattering Presidential headshot since the JFK assassination. The picture, which answers the question, “What’s the point of view of Trump’s gunt?” Appears to […]

Read More Trump’s Gunt, About The Gruesome Angle Of The Time Cover Photo: “I Warned You!”

Thanks To Trump’s Government Shutdown, Air-Traffic Controllers Are Winging It!!!

Donald Trump took time out of hanging federal employees, no longer useful to him, out to dry, or, as KKKaroline calls it, “The Epstein Severance Package,” to send Secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy (The one Trump appointee who heard the MAGA slogan “Trans For Everyone”, and thought “My job just got a whole lot harder!”) […]

Read More Thanks To Trump’s Government Shutdown, Air-Traffic Controllers Are Winging It!!!

Thanks To Fox News, Trump Declared War On Portland To Stop The 2020 Protests!!!

Congratulations, Donald Trump, even being judged, on a pig-who-ate-his-own-blanket scale, you’re still a fucking meathead. This entire Trump misnomer, Portland, Oregon, “is in shambles,” all started a few weeks back when Fox News mistakenly aired footage from the 2020 BLM protests, and like any dementia-riddled Grandma seeing an AI image for the first time, Trump […]

Read More Thanks To Fox News, Trump Declared War On Portland To Stop The 2020 Protests!!!

Now That Anti-Fascists Are Terrorists, Will Trump Now Negotiate With Democrats?!?

Donald Trump’s UK exit interview with Prime Minister Keir Starmer went about as well as any WWIII-provoking humble-brag can. After President Chatty Kathy couldn’t help but spill all the tea about taking back control of Bagram Air Force base in Afghanistan from the Taliban. A clearly classified conversation, he undoubtedly had with a high-ranking US […]

Read More Now That Anti-Fascists Are Terrorists, Will Trump Now Negotiate With Democrats?!?

Over The Last Decade 96% Of All Political Killings Were By Right-Wing Assassins!!!

No matter what JD Vance and Donald Trump say, over the last decade, 96% of all political assassinations have been committed by right-wing extremists. Hot yoga, unflinching morals, and crippling student loan debt from a Fem-lit degree: now that’s some real left-wing-lunatic shit. Sure, there are bad apples in every bunch, but is that probable […]

Read More Over The Last Decade 96% Of All Political Killings Were By Right-Wing Assassins!!!

Lying To Their Radicalized Base May Be Hazardous To MAGA’s Health!!!

Despite all of MAGA’s best efforts, no amount of “Thoughts and Prayers” could turn Charlie Kirk’s assassin into some poster child for liberalism. Or as gerrymandering’s biggest regret Nancy Mace so eloquently put it, “It sounds like the shooter was a tranny.” Even Utah Governor, and magical underoos-sporting Mormon, Spencer Cox, chimed in with his […]

Read More Lying To Their Radicalized Base May Be Hazardous To MAGA’s Health!!!