The other night I accompanied one of my lovely sisters, on a night out on the town. The fun-filled evening included dinner and a comedy performance in Boston’s Theater District. It is one of the many fine neighborhoods the city has to offer. It’s also an area I am quite knowledgeable about from my former side gig doing nightclub security. However, that familiarity, is what ultimately got me into this mess in the first fucking place. I have an acute aversion to paying exorbitant amounts of cash for things that I feel are unnecessary. Right up near the top of that lengthy list is parking. So much so, I spent my entire part-time career in the nightlife industry never once paying to park in Boston proper. From 9pm to 3-4am Thursday-Sunday on weekends for nearly 10 years. That is discounting, of course, the handful of parking tickets I received during that era. So proving to my Sis that I could maneuver a semi-free spot without paying the 40$, 50$, or 100$ (whatever it is you lunatics pay for parking lots these days) was a source of false bravado. The problem on this faithful evening wasn’t scoring one of the few remaining metered spots, left in existence. I easily nailed that portion of the stunt, it was sticking the landing, that was my fatal flaw. You see, we arrived at 6:20pm, and for those of you in the know, the meters run til 8pm, after that, you’re in the clear. Now, since I am always over-prepared for such useless situations. I had my usual pocket full of quarters in tow. Yet due to what I can only assume are inflationary issues, approximately 38-quakers later, I had only somehow managed a measly hour’s worth of meter time. Now, normally I would have let the extra 40 minutes ride on faith alone. Putting the onus on the cops to catch me red-handed in that short window of law-breaking. But with Sis around, I figured I would at least pretend to be a law-abiding adult. So I did as the grown-ups supposedly do, and proceeded to download the damn parking app.
So I took the picture posted above, and then we quickly headed to an old friend’s newish restaurant (Nash Bar and Stage) in fear of debilitating testicular frostbite. Once the wagyu sliders met their final resting place, in my belly. I frantically remembered I had 40 minutes of parking, still to finance. My first mistake of many was Googling the Park-Boston app instead of heading directly to the app store for my imminent pay-now parking needs. That search brought me to the deceptive items pictured below (AKA my top Google result). Whether it was the delightful conversation or not, I wasn’t in my normal investigatory headspace. I chose to put way too much trust in the legitimacy of the online parking app community. Needless to say, I continued on the yellow brick road laid seamlessly out before me. Clicking my way through the steps also pictured below. Once I came upon the debit card portion of the transaction, I again willfully entered my sacrificial info as if protected in a dedicated financial safe space. To my surprise, my bank immediately detected some trouble. Immediately sending me an alert questioning fraudulent activity. When I saw the charges in question, after further inquiry. I remembered I had been spending money that day like a drunken sailor. Included in my spending spree was a purchase of a brand new iPhone that my bank’s app had yet to recognize as its new home. But all the charges to that point were, in fact, mine, so I brushed it off as a hilarious misunderstanding between consenting adults.
Due to what I mistook as the bank’s rude interruption of my adulting process, my now quarter-less ass was pressed for time. So I continued on my mindless journey, handing over my checking account to the bad guys without them even holding a single gun to my head. Then, as soon as I pressed enter and my debit’s digits were neatly processed, my joy, quickly devolved into terror as the site listed below magically showed its true face from behind the curtain. “What, the actual fuck, is MEDIAFYRE.NET!” I silently screamed to my inner-self as the panic of paying 50$ a month for eternity (for whatever parking for 40 minutes costs, which still wasn’t paid) overtook my entire body. For the first time in my life, I looked hopelessly around the bar and thought, “I might be the dumbest motherfucker in this place,” a disturbing feeling I will not soon forget. My Next brilliant move was to go right back to Google (Yes, the same POS that set me up to fail in the first place) to survey the damage. Just as you would expect from some asshole who steered you wrong to begin with, Google now seemed to have all the answers. They were obviously much too late to help anyone involved. Filling me in on all the Mediafyre.net dirt that they neglected to warn me about prior to the uncomfortable raw-dog boning I received. Sadly, it was a day late, and for the love of God, please only be a dollar short.
Thankfully, I kept the damage minimal, as the initial money grab was only for $1.95. My guess is, once they knew the coast was clear on their initial trial run through my checking account. We spoiled their master plan in its infancy. They would’ve stormed into the bank, guns blazing, to grab all the remaining cash. But what they didn’t take in cash, they did make off with, in plenty of my time and patience, for this kind of skull-fuckery. All the corresponding headaches of changing your online accounts and recurring bill payments from the now tainted card numbers you once took for granted. In the end my sister saved the day and paid the fee on her properly functioning Park Boston App. As I, once again completely shit the bed at performing REMEDIAL adult tasks. Moving on to the live and learn portion of the program, I found out that there are multiple scams related to Park Boston and most likely similar “convenience” based parking apps throughout different cities. Never mind the city of Boston itself was also involved in its own related scandal. They were, at one time, just indiscriminately dipping into bank accounts like it was an unlimited slush fund. However, the more widespread scams happen when nefarious characters replace the QR codes associated with the meters with fraudulent ones directing you to pay them instead of the proper authorities. So Buyer’s beware, make sure to download your city’s Parking App from the correct App-procurement platform. Please do as I say and not what I do, you can thank me later. Until then, I will continue to expose all the absurdity in this world, including my own.
THE-ANTI-SOCIAL-MEDIA 