So, yesterday was Groundhog Day, the only day of the year when the biggest shadow in weather forecasting isn’t Al Roker’s. That honor goes to Punxsutawney Phil. The groundhog ICE mistakenly chased back into a hole after believing its shadow was a minority, which not only means 6 more weeks of winter, but that groundhogs […]
Read More Gabbard Blames Shadow For Groundhog Day Whistleblower Cover-Up!!!Yesterday, an innocent woman was gunned down by ICE, the most cold-blooded of all of Trump’s misfit toys. As Renee Nicole Good was simply going about her business, as most American women do: rushing her kid off to school so she can spend the rest of her day pissing me off in traffic. Sadly, no […]
Read More Get The F*ck Out Of Our Cities, ICE-IS Terrorists!!!Donald Trump, a man who, up until last week, thought the Senate’s “nuclear option” required prior weapons testing and that the filibuster was the wear-and-tear struggle between his cankles and socks. Now knows bipartisanship isn’t reached through healthy debate and negotiation, but by intentionally delaying Democrats’ food assistance and Republicans’ private jets. Sure, helping Trump […]
Read More Someone Is Getting The Band Back Together!!!The government shutdown is unofficially over. Republicans can finally celebrate losing healthcare for millions of Americans, unlike Democrats, who couldn’t make it an entire week without accidentally shooting the country in the dick again. Although Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer will sleep soundly knowing that the Shutdown is nearing its end. Now that his imaginary […]
Read More Congratulations, Chuck Schumer; At Least, The Baileys Are Happy!!!Donald Trump took time out of bitching about a civil disobedient escalator at the UN being nothing more than an UPPITY STAIRCASE, ON THE LEFT. To protect the vital interests of American national security. No, not from Russian fighter jets taunting Sarah Palin as she watches the War in Ukraine from her Alaskan front porch. […]
Read More Trump Is More Concerned With Escalator Payback Than Russian Fighter Jets In Alaska!!!No matter what JD Vance and Donald Trump say, over the last decade, 96% of all political assassinations have been committed by right-wing extremists. Hot yoga, unflinching morals, and crippling student loan debt from a Fem-lit degree: now that’s some real left-wing-lunatic shit. Sure, there are bad apples in every bunch, but is that probable […]
Read More Over The Last Decade 96% Of All Political Killings Were By Right-Wing Assassins!!!Just when you thought Joni Ernst was zeroing in on the title of Congressperson most likely to manufacture sympathy by having their own mother’s house swatted. Nancy Mace, gerrymanderings’ posterchild, and the reason 95% of her ex-boyfriends currently have legal representation. Used her so-called tech savvy to create an infinite burner bot army to storm […]
Read More Move Over Joni Ernst, MAGA Mace, And Her Burner Bots Want All The Clicks!!!Donald Trump woke up on Memorial Day how he often does, on the wrong side of a Melania-less bed, screaming Joe Biden’s name. He then immediately took to Truth Social to shit on his predecessor so much that if it wasn’t for Trump’s full diaper, you would believe his IBS diagnosis stood for Irritable Biden […]
Read More Don TACO’s Memorial Day Meltdown!!Democrat John Ewing handily defeated his MAGA opponent Jean Stothert in Omaha’s Mayoral election, nearly flipping the results from the city’s primary held just last month on April 1st. Sure, Trump’s “Liberation Day” tanked the entire world’s economy and turned America’s allies against us. But if it was the wake-up call the country needed to […]
Read More There’s Nothing Upsetting About Dem’s Come From Behind Victory Over MAGA Mayor!!!Despite transforming the Justice Department into Trump’s political hit squad, Pam Bodi has successfully done the impossible and made America regret not appointing a coked-up sexual deviant as Attorney General instead. Sure, Matt Gaetz may be more qualified to be on trial for statutory rape than prosecute someone on behalf of the US Government. But wouldn’t […]
Read More The DOJ Threatens Judges And DRs For Siding With The Constitution And Science!!!
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