On the eve of the deadline, I have a sneaking suspicion that whatever redaction Rorschach test we receive in place of the Epstein files, it will feature more black ink than an octopus orgy. I mean, instead of the Epstein files, it should’ve taken an act of Congress to release Ghislaine Maxwell into the general […]
Read More Trump Is Bribing The Military With $1,776 Of The $2.9 Billion He Stole From Them!!!Donald Trump, a man who even betrayed his oath to protect and defend the Epstein Files. Held a rally at the Mount Airy Casino in the Poconos yesterday to discuss the state of the economy. A symbolic gesture, considering that if not for casinos, Trump might never have learned how to bankrupt a country. There, […]
Read More Rip Tan Stinkle Makes It Through An Entire Speech Awake, But Not Woke!!!Most people who start fights and heckle comics at 1 am call themselves an Uber, not a Nobel Peace Prize candidate. However, the only thing Donald Trump likes more than starting a conflict is taking undeserved credit for ending one between two countries he would rather tariff than pronounce. Leave it to Donald Trump to […]
Read More That’ll Do Pig… That’ll Do!!!After the House passed the release of the Epstein files in a 427-1 vote, the Senate invoked unanimous consent and quickly sent the bill over to the White House for signature. Where Trump said, “What’s unanimous consent, and if I sign this, can I invoke it retroactively?” Just kidding; Trump was going all in, with […]
Read More Trump’s Reenactment Of The Epstein Files Ends In A Happy Ending!!!After Donald Trump said he wouldn’t stop MAGA from voting their conscience, all but Congressman Clay Higgins voted to release the Epstein files. A turnout that not only convinced Clay Higgins to unmute his GOP Signal chat but also solidified the deportation of Trump’s “Reverse-Psychology Guy.” Sure, Democrats never believe a word Trump says, and […]
Read More Clay Higgins Earns Coveted NAMBLA Endorsement!!!Now that the discharge petition has reached the necessary 218 votes to release the Epstein files, the GOP suddenly realizes they can no longer protect Donald Trump. Sure, their first instinct was to jump into bed with a sex offender, but even Republicans prefer covering their own ass to getting fucked by a pedophile. Which […]
Read More The Groupies Of Pedophiles (GOP) Are Stuck Between A Rock And A Sex Offender!!!Ever since Zohran Mamdani won back control of New York City from a billion rats and Sex Luther. Donald Trump has been treating the affordability crisis like the boy who cried communism. Despite Trump planning his own redistribution of America’s wealth, one $2000-taxpayer-bribe at a time. What’s the difference between socialism and a $2000 Trump […]
Read More MAGA Mamdani: Making Nazis Socialists Again!!!The government shutdown is unofficially over. Republicans can finally celebrate losing healthcare for millions of Americans, unlike Democrats, who couldn’t make it an entire week without accidentally shooting the country in the dick again. Although Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer will sleep soundly knowing that the Shutdown is nearing its end. Now that his imaginary […]
Read More Congratulations, Chuck Schumer; At Least, The Baileys Are Happy!!!Donald Trump claimed the only reason he initially refused to release SNAP benefits was that it would violate the law. Sure, most people would gladly break the rules to feed starving children, but not Trump. He’d never knowingly commit a crime unless it was an extreme circumstance like: wanting to win an election he already […]
Read More Robbin’ Hood: Prince Of Thieves!!!Donald Trump threw himself a “Great Gatsby” themed party the night before SNAP benefits would dry up for 42 million food-insecure Americans, titled: “A Little Party Never Killed Nobody.” A name that not only ignores the potential starvation of millions but also contradicts F. Scott Fitzgerald’s point entirely. Which is ironic, because empathy is usually […]
Read More Mar-A-Lago’s ‘A Little Party Never Killed Nobody’ Bender Kicked-Off Trump’s First Hunger Games!!!
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