So now that Operation Epstein Fury is underway, and Donald Trump has killed Iran’s Ayatollah Khamenei. Something 86 years, his terminal cancer, and a wayward bowel movement could’ve easily done, but with far less collateral damage and clips of Pete Hegseth getting in his warsplaining reps. And in doing so, not only handed the Ayatollah martyrdom, but an Epstein-Island amount of virgins, that, on present-day Earth, would’ve gotten him canceled faster than a round of drinks from Bill Cosby. Meanwhile, Trump’s best guess-timate for when American troops should wrap up bombing falls somewhere between Chinese Food takeout and the Sun’s final ray. That’s a timeline that would make even the most indecisive Comcast Customer Service Rep blush-the-bed. And yet just last week, Keystone Kash took time out of the sniffing-gold-medal-winning-jockstraps leg of his “Make-A-Wish” tour, to fire the entire Iran Wing of counterterrorism over shits-and-giggles. I mean, even if you’re trying to bring the Republican Party’s popularity back to the Good-Ole-Days of Ground Zero post 9/11, that’s, at best, crackhead logic. However, if you’re wondering, the last time the GOP had more than a Tampa Bay Rays-level of fandom, it was somewhere between the collapse of the Twin Towers and Saddam’s hog-tied statue. So, what better way to rally support for “Project 2026: Deport The Midterms” than by gaslighting foreigners into blowing up some red, white, and (fingers crossed) mostly blue shit? Donald Trump already tried stealing 187 million dollars in counterterrorism funding from blue states, and not because he solved terrorism, but because Trump fights insecurity one Participation-Peace-Prize-from-Soccer-Hooligans at a time. Trump HAS spent way more time lately talking to Benjamin Netanyahu than to Congress, his Future Ex-Wife, or his favorite MAGA talk show host, under the alias Max Power. And you’re telling me he never once inappropriately said the only reason the Israeli Leader is in office, not prison, is the October 7th Hamas Attack, and then immediately thought, “Note to Self: Terrorism = Canceled Elections = Now, when I tell people I’m the smartest man alive, I’ll have an actual example!”? A terrorist attack on US soil not only gives Trump some much-needed patriotic goodwill: the one hole unsuspecting tween-strange can’t even fill, but a Supreme Court-proof plan to indefinitely postpone the midterms and simultaneously blame Democrats for all his non-penis-related shortcomings. Including shutting down Homeland Security over “frivolous things” like abiding by the Constitution and not killing US citizens on the whim of ICE’s finest, aka a four-time restraining order recipient with a raging gas-station-boner-pill addiction.
The Daily Beast Article Quoted – https://www.thedailybeast.com/fbi-director-keystone-kash-patel-fired-iran-experts-just-days-before-donald-trumps-war/
In Today’s Palate Cleanser, we learn that it’s not the President’s OR Congress’s job to plan for war, and that every time Donald Trump openly discusses his obsession with balls, Lindsey Graham needs a cleanup on aisle “belly button.”
And Finally, In This Episode Of “Who Gives Less Fucks?” Last Week’s Champion….
Faces Of Against This Week’s Challenger….
THE-ANTI-SOCIAL-MEDIA 