I Would’ve Thought An American Coup Would Be Televised!!!

I would’ve guessed the American government being illegally overtaken by the richest man in the world would be a ratings bonanza or, at the very least, be trending on TikTok by now. Then perhaps Donald Trump might actually believe it was happening. This may be the first coup in world history where a super-majority of the country’s citizens and the sitting President are completely unaware it ever happened. Not the best look for Trump when even in the most predictable horror movies, the dimwitted buxom blonde has the wherewithal to comprehend when the evil intruder is inside the house.

FULL USA TODAY ARTICLE https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/02/03/dems-elon-musk-doge-takeover-treasury/78187978007/

It’s frightening that Elon Musk is bound by Chinese law to provide any intelligence he collects due to his stakes in corporations there, back to that tyrannical government. Now that he has complete unauthorized congressional access to the US Treasury Department’s sensitive data and computing systems. Thankfully, the FBI is on top of this ongoing threat and can focus all its attention on our adversaries’ infiltration of the inner workings of the US government. Oh wait, I forgot they were too distracted by their most decorated agents being unlawfully persecuted for doing their job to recognize that nightmare scenario unfolding. Let’s hope the incoming FBI Chief “Ka$h” Patel is far too incompetent and more concerned with his online merch sales and fraudulent charities to successfully self-sabotage anti-terrorism law enforcement in America. At least at Pearl Harbor, the Kamikaze pilots were foreigners looking to destroy US capabilities from within our borders. Not a homegrown douchebag who believes MAGA ideology puts the reason back into treason.

FULL NBC NEWS ARTICLE https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/national-security/senior-fbi-official-forcefully-resisted-trump-administration-firings-rcna190301

But in glass-half-full news, if you ever forgot to bring an accompanying spoon to work for your yogurt. You’ll be happy to learn there’s enough plastic stored in your brain to build yourself one, like a makeshift Lego utensil set. Only if you are smart enough to remember what a disposable spoon is after removing all that plastic from your thoughts. So perhaps this discovery falls more on the glass-half-empty side. Because if you think stepping on a Lego barefoot hurts, imagine the collateral damage if you blew one out through your eye socket during a wayward sneeze.

FULL CNN ARTICLE https://www.cnn.com/2025/02/03/health/plastics-inside-human-brain-wellness/index.html

In Today’s Palate Cleanser, we have the most hilariously Aussie conversation in history. And yet, with the lack of R’s being thrown around if you substituted that Alpaca for a Moose, you might hear the exact conversation happen in the Southie projects.