Trump To Troops: “What Would Jesus Do?”

In case you were wondering how the Trump regime plans to sell Operation Election Fury, the answer all depends on the makeup of their target audience. If you’re an Israeli, it’s about nuclear weapons. If you’re a Republican, it’s about national security. If you’re an Iranian, it’s about regime change. If you’re an American Soldier, it’s about “What Would Jesus Do?” And if you’re a Democrat, it’s about time you get your affairs in order. Because we know the truth, that this is all just an elaborate game of Three Card Monte to distract from free and fair elections, landing right between us and Taco Tuesday on MAGA’s Most Wanted Endangered Species List. Let’s just hope the CIA has a better recruitment pitch for Kurdish soldiers than quoting Bible passages that Magic Mike Johnson once called “Better than sex, with a woman, a human woman.”

The Military.Com Article Quoted – https://www.military.com/daily-news/2026/03/03/military-officers-accused-of-framing-iran-war-biblical-mandate.html

In Today’s Palate Cleanser, we learn that the US Military has reinstated “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” However, in this installment, you can openly “Spit Shine Your Girlfriend’s Mess Hall” or “Swab Your Boyfriend’s Poop Deck,” but even mention the word “War,” and your autopsy photo will consist of a slideshow titled: “Guantanamo Flesh Yahtzee.”

If the N-Word has taught us anything, it’s that Republicans can’t stop saying inappropriate things in public. But hey, at least they can be trusted with something easy, like walk and chew popcorn at the same time…