On the eve of the deadline, I have a sneaking suspicion that whatever redaction Rorschach test we receive in place of the Epstein files, it will feature more black ink than an octopus orgy. I mean, instead of the Epstein files, it should’ve taken an act of Congress to release Ghislaine Maxwell into the general […]
Read More Trump Is Bribing The Military With $1,776 Of The $2.9 Billion He Stole From Them!!!Chief of Staff Susie Wiles, pictured below with resting Paula-Dean-on-Bath-Salts’ face, went viral after being the first Trump official caught on record openly telling the truth. Spilling the MAGA tea to Vanity Fair about Trump’s ‘alcoholic personality’, Vance’s ‘Conspiracy’ Theories, and Musk’s ‘avowed ketamine use,’ and yet not one mention of Karolying Leavitt’s lips having […]
Read More Girl’s Gone Wiles!!!Donald Trump recently received FIFA’s first-ever Peace Prize. An award ceremony with all the pomp and circumstance of the Oscars and the prestige of finding a Female Body Inspector (FBI) T-shirt in the Hooters’ dumpster. Because the only international sports organization award Trump is earning on merit is a participation medal from the Special Olympics. […]
Read More Trump, First War Criminal Awarded Participation Peace Prize!!!If you want further proof that MAGA loyalty is an oxymoron like jumbo shrimp or conservative comedian, look no further than Marjorie Taylor Greene. The MAGA Karen who never met a Democrat she didn’t want to arm wrestle to death. Until House Republicans began the Peyton Manning of all pedophilia cover-ups: You know the kind, […]
Read More MTG: From Dancing With The Devil, To Dancing With The Stars!!!Most people who start fights and heckle comics at 1 am call themselves an Uber, not a Nobel Peace Prize candidate. However, the only thing Donald Trump likes more than starting a conflict is taking undeserved credit for ending one between two countries he would rather tariff than pronounce. Leave it to Donald Trump to […]
Read More That’ll Do Pig… That’ll Do!!!After the House passed the release of the Epstein files in a 427-1 vote, the Senate invoked unanimous consent and quickly sent the bill over to the White House for signature. Where Trump said, “What’s unanimous consent, and if I sign this, can I invoke it retroactively?” Just kidding; Trump was going all in, with […]
Read More Trump’s Reenactment Of The Epstein Files Ends In A Happy Ending!!!After Donald Trump said he wouldn’t stop MAGA from voting their conscience, all but Congressman Clay Higgins voted to release the Epstein files. A turnout that not only convinced Clay Higgins to unmute his GOP Signal chat but also solidified the deportation of Trump’s “Reverse-Psychology Guy.” Sure, Democrats never believe a word Trump says, and […]
Read More Clay Higgins Earns Coveted NAMBLA Endorsement!!!Donald Trump announced he will not subvert the release of the Epstein files, but will sure as shit give a full pardon when Pam Bodi does. That’s the thing about pledging loyalty to a Sex Offender: you’re not only forced to kiss Trump’s ass, but to also eat it. Which is nothing compared to the […]
Read More Trump Won’t Derail The Release Of The Epstein Files, But An Open Investigation Will!!!Donald Trump, a man who, up until last week, thought the Senate’s “nuclear option” required prior weapons testing and that the filibuster was the wear-and-tear struggle between his cankles and socks. Now knows bipartisanship isn’t reached through healthy debate and negotiation, but by intentionally delaying Democrats’ food assistance and Republicans’ private jets. Sure, helping Trump […]
Read More Someone Is Getting The Band Back Together!!!The government shutdown is unofficially over. Republicans can finally celebrate losing healthcare for millions of Americans, unlike Democrats, who couldn’t make it an entire week without accidentally shooting the country in the dick again. Although Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer will sleep soundly knowing that the Shutdown is nearing its end. Now that his imaginary […]
Read More Congratulations, Chuck Schumer; At Least, The Baileys Are Happy!!!
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