Was Putin Aiming For Santa When He Shot Down A Passenger Jet On Christmas?!?

So Russian State Run Media (the country’s largest propaganda provider) went above and beyond this Holiday Season. To prove once and for all what makes them the number #1 vacationing destination of the faux masculine supremacy movement here in the States. Now, since Putin’s Regime tells their audiences what media they should and shouldn’t consume, it’s no wonder this video was going viral on Alt-right social media this year. It makes you wonder if the human error that led to a Russian Air Defense System shooting down a commercial passenger airliner on Christmas day, killing more than half of those on board. If that careless incident resulted from a Santa Claus-fearing Comrade with an itchy trigger finger who’s been told since birth to believe everything he sees on Russiani-1 Television. If so, Putin and his media oligarchy allies spreading violent Santa-Murder-Porn, Are some rusky’s who’ve got some serious-splaining to do.

The irrational theory is that Putin remembered the military intel trending via YouTube after last Christmas. When a Ukrainian fighter pilot went viral for defending his countryside while dressed as Maverick-esque Saint Nick. So now that Ukrainian Forces have taken possession of a fresh batch of American F-16 Fighter jets over the last year. In a classic Putin paranoia overreaction, maybe he was jealous of all the good publicity of Top Gun Santa and the military muscle displayed in Red One. Creating a perfect storm for Putin to feel woefully unprepared to defend his country from the threat of all this December 25th-based holiday spirit counter-programming going viral, like some vodka-soaked Iceman-like grinch.

If you thought living under communism was a sad existence for children. Imagine the nightmare of waiting til a week after New Year’s is over before being allowed to open your first gift from Santa. For some bizarre reason, Russia has chosen to celebrate Christmas on January 7th instead. Bringing a sadistic Soviet suppression twist to the often-used phrase “Good things come to those who wait.” Even though little Vlady Putin himself can’t wait until Christmas morning to play around with his Chinese-made toys, either. Just the horror of watching the entire world celebrate Jesus’s bday in unison on December 25th. Meanwhile, the government mandates a nationwide celebration on Nicholas Cage’s Jan 7th birthday. If that isn’t a human rights violation itself, I don’t know what is.

Now, in the off chance the Sleigh King is shot down over Russian airspace, an Irish sketch comedy group has depicted how those interrogations may unfold if he is ultimately captured alive. This reminds me of the classic South Park episode “Red Sleigh Down.” The one where Santa got shot down spreading Christmas cheer to the Iraqi citizens against their will and was tortured for his un-welcomed festive services.

In Today’s Palate Cleanser, staying on the topic of classic 80’s movies, we have some wonderfully “Weird Science” for your enjoyment.