To silence his critics claiming the Department of Justice has been weaponized against his opponents, Donald Trump made a rare Presidential speech to the traditionally apolitical government body. However, in a very Trumpian turn of events, he proved all his detractors correct by morphing into MAGA Matt Foley and turning his appearance from a whataboutism spectacle into a hostile fascism orgy. Speaking to a room full of lawyers as if it were a motivational speech to the guards at Auschwitz. The event quickly became a DOJ rebranding reveal party for the all-new MAGA Injustice League of America. Instead of prosecuting terrorists, sex traffickers, and drug cartels, their new targets are now Journalists, Civil Rights Attorneys, and so-called uppity minorities.
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People are outraged over Elon Musk calling decorated American war hero and Astronaut Senator Mark Kelly a traitor for his support of Ukrainian sovereignty. However, Musk’s point of view makes complete sense considering before internet porn, he refused to orgasm without first making eye contact with his Stalin poster. When maintaining worldwide democracy isn’t on your list of geopolitical priorities, your ideology more likely aligns with Hitler than John F. Kennedy.
In Today’s Palate Cleanser, Trump adds himself to the growing list of celebrities showing solidarity with sex workers by annoyingly taking a money shot to the face like a reluctant stepmom on PornHub.
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